i knew your sister was a slut! by Christine Tierney

Cowboy George by Maryrose Smyth

Cowboy George by MK Smyth

i knew your sister was a slut!

so my older sister grace drags me and my best friend kells to a shit beach with gritty sand sharpass rocks bottle caps and cigarette butts so none of her douchey ralph lauren lovin’ friends will spot us and after 7 hours of arranging and rearranging her monogramed coral beach towel on the crusty sand and slathering her already perfectly bronzed body with este lauder suntan oil she says “dad wanted (he paid her) me to talk to the 2 of you about the birds and the bees (silence) so do either one of you (since she’s being paid she refrains from calling us knuckleheads) know anything about sex?” and kells and i laugh our tits off because (one) we smoked a joint before we left while grace was packing her convertible with all of her matching beach crap and (two) we’re 14 year old wannabe hussies who romp around in tourniquet tight jordache jeans and trampy melt-with-a-match eyeliner and sex is pretty much the only thing either one of us aspires to so instead of working her way up to the kinky bits grace says okay wise guys did you know when you really love someone (like her loser boyfriend ron who kells christened ron the wee schlong after walking in on him in the bathroom) it’s okay to let them put your diaphragm on for you and cottonmouth kells who’s on her third diet fresca chokelaughs so hard the diet fresca flies out of her nose and of course that gets me going and grace is bull cuz (god forbid) we aren’t taking her holiness seriously and after cracking up for 45 minutes (stoner minutes which means it’s more like 45 seconds) grace enlightens us with all kinds of advanced sex stuff like smearing your girly parts with real whipped cream and minty tic-tac dong kisses and even though i’m dying to hear more juicy sex tips just not from my phony preptone sister who was probably supposed to stick to the intercourse basics instead of detailing the kind of smutty stuff we read in the hustler magazines hidden in the suitcase underneath my brothers bed i say i gotta take a whiz and kells and i stumble off to finish the joint we started earlier and as we are toking our freakin’ brains out kells keeps saying “i knew your sister was slut!” in between thick phlegmy gangacoughs and rollinginthe-ringdingaisle-hysterics.

Christine Tierney’s work has appeared in Fourteen Hills, Skidrow Penthouse, Sugar House Review, Poet Lore, Monkeybicycle, Lungfull!, Toad Suck Review and other cool places. You can read more of her work at http://christinetierneypoet.com/site/.

MK Smyth is passionate about poetry, painting, and making stuff.  Preserving the peace in an outer ring planet she and her husband stumbled upon in a Los Angeles foothill canyon light years ago.